Really Bloggy

People don't fucking care about my feelings; it's all about moving on with life, and thinking positively! I hate that

It's 2019. My misery should've ended a while ago. By the way...I'm almost sure about what image-editing program I'm going to purchase, because my free software and my Photoshop Elements 15 can't do all that I'd like to. The software that I'm fairly confident about purchasing, is Aurora HDR; no focus stacking, which is the only feature that I've been missing, but it's great for not just HDR but also has a great RAW processor. By the way, I tried processing RAW files in a free trial of the program called "ACDsee"; and the results seemed to be superior to Adobe Camera RAW, at least as it came to highlight recovery, shadow recovery, and contrast increase. At this time, I don't want the full version of Photoshop; It'd be great to have a program that can do all of the functions that I'd want to do in a single package, but at the same time, would like to have an image-enhancing program that can do each task optimally; that's why I

Why doesn't anyone want to show me sympathy or empathy in life? Who am I, if I don't deserve any of it?!

I hate waiting, literally as if it were death to me: several years ago, I started writing in my blog very dark things, notably that I wanted war to start and other things that I don't recall that can be likened to war and total annihilation; I thought that since I'm not allowed to die, perhaps the world could finally come to an end just so that I could exit my emotional state of despair, which would never cease to end for me. Let me talk about waiting again. There's no point in waiting like I've been waiting. Waiting is fine once, but when short waits get repeated many times in life, it can add up to thousands and thousands of hours lost, which is what has happened in my case. No wonder then, that I've been feeling like I might die and fearing the worst; my mind can't stand waiting!!! It literally has the ability to make me crazy, and let me tell you, I'm an exceptionally strong person as it has to do with my mind's resilience. But when waiting is combi

Seems that people have had far more pleasure in life compared to me!

I've been taught over much of my life growing up, that if I don't conform perfectly, that if I sway even a little off course as it has to do with being a good person, then I will be punished in the afterlife, and that demons and angels are real.

https://www.dpreview.com/news/0294155969/zte-nubia-red-magic-3-comes-with-8k-video-recording-and-cooling-fan

Aurora HDR is pretty much the best RAW processor of them all; well actually, to be exact, there is about zero product that can be better for processing RAW files then what Aurora HDR can. On1 has a more diverse feature set, but...if I can't get the same results in HDR and/or RAW format using On1, is it really worth it?! It's about having a program with more features, or one that has less but can do them better. What now?

I've seen people do so much stuff, so many things, that have resulted in some kind of pleasure, that it breaks me

The sunrise has begun about an hour before I started writing this post, at 6:43 AM, and I have no emotion at all when seeing stuff, such as people smiling or laughing, whether it's in real life or social media; but I show no emotions even at all times of the day

I'd rather die than look at my parents' TV or any of their devices. I never open my laptop even whenever one of my parents wants to look, so I'd like them to keep their devices turned off and tucked away as well, whenever I'm near the devices. This isn't some ranting by someone who's insane, it's the truth

The vast majority of people who I've ever connected with or talked with have been bastards to me

Want to know why I've had a desire to live in New Zealand? Just look Serge Ramelli's photo at https://www.flickr.com/photos/sergeramelli/26565725936/in/album-72157643702564054/ It does at least to some extent make me want to live there, perhaps making new and emotional memories, how about yourself?

Let me tell you some of my, possibly final, thoughts about purchasing new software. If you're not aware, I've done a full blog post on Wordpress.com about this: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/47375198/posts/2254540104 ; but despite this blog post, there is still possibly much to learn, and here are some things I've learned since making that post. The feature known in On1 Camera RAW known as Dynamic Contrast would be a great advantage to me, because in Adobe Elements 15 I don't get this option; the best I can do as far as I've known, is to create many layers, each one having a different degree of the High Pass filter applied to it. But in Photoshop Elements 15, the worst aspect is the fact that during or before the process of creating each layer, I'd have to do lots of guesswork to make it look close to ideal; and if I don't do it correctly, I can likely end up with too much contrast in a photo. Aurora can result in incredible photos, and initially I wanted

I still have been struggling as to what software to purchase for image editing; I know that I'll be purchasing most likely one, maybe two at most: Should I go for the On1 Camera RAW 2019.5 that is decent for various operations or features, or should I instead get Aurora HDR (only focused on HDR) that does it's specific task very well and combine the Aurora program with Elements+ for my Adobe software? The On1Camera RAW software cost about $69.99, while Aurora HDR was $99.99, and Elements+ is $12. I still am not sure, I'd like to download the software for a free trial, but since I have virtually nothing to take photos for testing it out, I really wanted someone that's used at least one of the software to tell me how it might compare to the others. Picolay; if I knew for sure that it worked well enough for alignment and being able to stack several photos, I'd get Aurora HDR. If not though, at least Elements+ is good enough, but I don't want to spend that extra amo

Back not too long ago, I had wishes for war, seriously! But I'm now a changed man!!! I've been to some dark places, while too much positivity was being expressed from society, and it made me hurt

I need this shit explained to me; someone needs to convince me that I don't get any consequences for my actions, because if I do then nothing can help me. I've been taught that there are punishments for most actions, and nothing bad happens to you in your life, but in the afterlife. I can't tolerate it, that's the one reason for why I feel so bad doing stuff, it makes me have an overwhelming feeling, and makes for a very limited life.

BTW I can't look at my TV at all; that's why I haven't been playing video games at all for quite some time. I don't know what's wrong about looking at my TV; it can't simply be something wrong with me, not just a problem that's in my mind. I feel the same way about all electronic devices in my home because each time I've looked at them, it was almost always the same, and I feel like it all needs to destroyed for my own good so that I don't feel this way anymore. I don't know, but it's really horrifying what happens to me even I glance at one of the monitors in my house. I now feel like it might happen to me again; I've tried putting my TV away in a box or doing something like that (hiding it out of my view) so that I can finally have peace of mind, but I can't do anything to my parent's devices and they don't understand the situation. I'm not going to lie, I'd rather be dead than have to experience this, that's how

I've been feeling fucked over by so many people; my environment has been full of furious people, and the environment that I grew up in both at home and outside of home has been unpleasant at the least

Google is fucking stupid, I once had no opinion about it but today think it's a negative thing

I still remember the times when I was built strong, but now am emotional and prone to breaking

I've been trying to go places, but the public has seemed to dislike me all of the time and I got an incredibly negative sense about them; Honestly, I can't move literally a foot or more in specific ways without feeling uncomfortable in public. I can't look at good-looking people or else they'll ridicule and psychologically I could suffer. I've been feeling extremely limited in life and have so many various experiences throughout my entire life that I haven't been a part of, or able to enjoy. I've been having emotional pain and suffering as a result, being deprived of much needed happiness and pleasure, but they all want me to stay alive. I could say stuff such as "I feel like others are out to hurt me", but you'd probably take it as just something that I made up and that it's just a feeling based on a medical condition...

It's easier to stay at home. I don't need people drawing me into dark places in my mind.

Music can make emotions flourish, but...emotions come with a very drastic down side; emotion, when negative, can be extremely devastating and unbelievably intense. Emotions can also increase pain, even positive emotions combined with pain can make the entire experience more intense, even if the positive emotion does so indirectly (It probably can do it directly as well). The vast majority of us probably never experience positive emotion in an exact way, in a way as to cause pain. But a partial reason for pain via positive emotion, positive emotions can work like medication. Just like a painkiller can work wonders, it's the withdrawal of painkillers that can be compared to withdrawal from positive emotions, that is, if the positive emotions are intense enough, the human mind might try to compensate. And sometimes, it can lead to overcompensation, specifically if the human is prone to addiction (or perhaps better called obsession in this case) to positive emotions; but, don't let

Why were "they" trying to sell me drugs on Facebook, and using Austin Macut in the ad's photo?!

Don’t insult or endorse violence, or else more innocent people are Likely to get hurt; therefore, don’t wish for stricter laws such as hanging, as well as punishments as they were in the old Times. It has infuiriated that anyone would write about more extreme punishments for rapists, and others even including murderers shouldn’t be executed in a gory Fashion, for the sake of the possibly innocent. Injection is incredibly cruel even for criminals, because having a past full of drugs can cause much pain in the guilty.

Do you feel that I can see your soul? Do you feel it, do you feel it? Do you feel the beat in your heart? I-I want it, I want it real, Run away with me now (Chaos Chaos-Do You Feel It?) ~ The song is a good description of what I've been desiring to feel...the fact is that so many people of my age seem to have been having that same feeling, and so many of those have actually realized this desire. I never did, and paradoxically, now I feel the surge of euphoria once in a while. And to add to that, the piano music is truly nostalgic for no apparent reason...

Why is it all happening again? This isn't about Deja Vu, it's a reality-bad times just keep coming back for me, and it doesn't want to stop. As a result, it has kept reaffirming me that I'm always a failure; What am I supposed to do in life?! Is it even worth living if everything seems so fucking difficult?!

I'm wasting all of my tiiiiiime...I push it all awaaaaay- love music, as it describes what I've been feeling and what I've been doing, which is wasting all of my time, pushing it all away!!!

I can't stand the boredom; maybe that's why stuff needs to get crazy and overall wrong?

I'm over the negative, incredible feelings that I've been experiencing because on April 25th, 2019 I forgot about a lot of shit; this usually doesn't happen to me, at least not on such as severe level. But I'm undoubtedly scared to the core because of this experience!!! |I don't know where all of this came from, it can't just be in my mind for goodness sake, and I'm especially terrified that I don't know when or where this same situation of mine might develop next. I'd like to never go anywhere again, unless it's somewhere I've never been before and where I'd have some happiness, for the trip to be worth the price. Not being happy or anything of that nature is a dangerous path to take, because it means that I'd be paying an extreme price emotionally without anything positive to counteract the negative emotion.

I've taken cold showers before, and it hurt about the same as fire: https://news.yahoo.com/autopsy-court-hearing-set-case-missing-illinois-boy-125942410.html

I never know what's wrong with me

How long is it before I can finally get some interesting photos of some interesting stuff? I don't really care for blooming leaves and bare branches, I'd like to finally see many different types of flowers and cool cloudscapes, maybe be able to see cool new places before June to get many cool photos to eventually work on in various image editing programs...you know, to get life moving and to get things moving a little bit. Spring in Michigan almost every year in recent memory has been very slow to start. I'd like to be able to take advantage of the very short window of time known as late spring, and to go on vacations during that time. I supposed that there was a reason for everything?

My ears have been fucking hurting like indescribable, seriously. I couldn’t help but to scratch my ear canals, for goodness sake before i make it to the doctor can this seriously just go away?!

All because i didn’t buy everything that i needed on  my grocery trip?!

Hi everyone, feels like i need to lay down, that’s how unpeaceful i’ve been feeling. Again, i must’ve done something wrong to deserve this. I’ve been essentially begging for it to stop, it has been causing me pain that must go away. Religion doesn’t explain, can’t understand the situation. Religion doesn’t comfort me at all in my situation.

I’ve been feeling very uneasy, unpeaceful, and impending doom, ever since i was comforted by my own thoughts Thursday morning. My Heart has again been beating uncontrollably, and it’s been so bad that i did in fact want to die, April 25, 2019 because i want to get this feeling over with

I wish that everyone could realize that I'm supposed to go on vacation, that I'm supposed to have a daily schedule, that this is all a serious problem, and everything is fucked because of that

The world is silent; I can't sense anything, everything=black, smell is lacking, hearing is lost, everything about life is just wrong!!!

I want to let the readers know why I want to live; I still have an urge to see the moonrise illuminating clouds with various colors

I've been awake for a long time, and finally I've realized, "What is this (reality)? Seriously, reality-what is it? Why am I in it too? Why was I here at all? No one and no ideology, neither philosophy and not anything of that nature has ever had success in explaining my life to me, why I'm here at all. Fuck my thoughts and my negativity, is that TRUE?! Everything has been normal for what seems like my entire lifetime, and yet it seems to be true, that "normal" is nothing more than boredom, when life is normal it's boring; I can't live this way. So please tell me something to convince me otherwise...

It's almost 4 Am, can't sleep, can't get no happiness from all of this music and writing and all of the other shit I've been doing, but can't talk about...

I've been feeling that at least some musicians have been putting messages in their songs that are specifically against me...crazy, but downright worrisome !

My situation is important. My situation is critical in some way or another. I Haven't slept another night...what the fuck? I can't think, I've stopped thinking!!! Doing nothing, nothing happening, it's been raining all night, fully cloudy all of the time, reading funny stuff and listening to great music, still don't know what I've done wrong, never will.

I want people to convince me that I'm not punished in my life

https://macm545.wordpress.com/

When I see something that I want, sometimes it will inhibit an emotional response in me. That makes me literally addicted and wanting more, wanting more of various experiences that I can't even describe and the only option it seems is to create them in reality, which I'm unable to do almost one hundred percent.

Some things to consider if purchasing any software for my personal needs: The availability of LUTs, Fuji camera profiles that are accurate, great RAW processing and ability to work in HDR using RAW files, as well as how many images can be processed at once especially in focus stacking, and overall how efficient the process of image editing is using each program. I'll most likely download each program in May of 2019 once the flowers can start to bloom...I can keep you updated on the situation and hopefully also can do macros (screengrab video) in the software. Wait and see.

Also, think: Elements+. But at least i found a list in which the Best image editing programs have been  listed, and Luminar as well as Aurora seem to have been much higher on the list as compared to Affinity, and also higher than On1 and DXOoptics

I’ve been dissapointed at how people have mistreated me. I’ve been treated like a robot or something that doesn’t have feelings or emotions, either that or my feelings and emotions are worth nothing to people. Peoples’ actions towards me have spoken of ignorance most of the Time, and because of it I have been having nightmares during which i just wished to die. I wish people wouldn’t ignore me most of the time, and realize that I do in fact feel something after being told the wrong thing or if the wrong thing is done to me, to be conscious of thefact that I’m also a person, but then again I doubt that it’ll ever happen within my own lifetime because... I’m not worth anything

I could do so much with $7,000: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYHTVjfShOA

I've found a really large number of photo image editing apps/programs since I became really interested and nearly decided on On1, which is the program that I think Don Komarechka has chosen for his macro photography enhancements. But think: ACDsee, Aurora HDR, Luminar, DXO, etc. !!! Where do I go from now?!

MAth: Divide focal length of long lens by focal length of short lens. Next, Multiply result by minimum focus distance of shorter lens

I will likely get On1 Photo RAW 2019 as soon as I get some interesting photos taken for use in focus stacking and HDR, and see how the program does. I'd really like to have the Core i9 processor though. If it live up to my expectations, I'll most likely purchase it and if I can, replace my Photoshop Elements 15 to save up some room for the new program!!! The reason that I wrote about this in particular, is because it got me pretty excited!!!

I'm not sure if the next photo enhancement program I should purchase, or download for the moment, should be On1 Photo RAW or CaptureOne. On1 Photo RAW has been about the same price as my Photoshop Elements 15, but has more intriguing features focused specifically on photography, such as increasing depth of field from multiple images (each taken with a different focus plane), fusing multiple photos together to increase dynamic range (and it's supposed to be an extremely fast process), as well as noise reduction, RAW image editing, as well as other features, but the ones listed are of the most interest to me so far. Which program should I obtain? The listed features could really help me do wonders in my photography.

and i really want to go out and take photos and try vigorous processing for my new and fast laptop

I have found it difficult to sleep today as well.

„I feel so grandiose, okay, that i feel like i don’t deserve it. My grandiosity makes me overwhelmed and sometimes want to die.” -Not me

Let my Fuji camera have F-log gamma video format for 4k video at base ISO, then it might become equally as great as the much more expensive XH1, and almost as great as Sony A6500

I totally gave up by never returning to Eaton Rapids High School to work with other people on what’s been happening, and i think that that’s where i might have failed and because of that, never developed  a relationship with people, and was always constantly looked down upon and couldn’t cope with people, as well as anything in general. I supposed that graduation was my finał and last chance to Settle down and that things would never be the same after that, in a negative way

The enthusiasm for great success is what has been on my mind quite a lot, has inspired me, and most importantly, made me strive for greatness and to live with purpose. But on the other side, enthusiasm can’t really come about if there’s so much mundanity in life as there is. I’m never going to want to return to any płace i’d ever been to, because I don’t want to have anything to do with it anymore, as it can remind me of the mundane Times over the past years. I’m not sure if it makes sense or not. Overall, the thing is, my life has felt miserable and people have only maltreated/mistreated me over the years and by no means could i get anything accomplished. But the truth is, i feel as though no one really wanted to help me, even from the beginning. But to add to that, I feel like a failure, one that has  been missing out on life for a very, very long Time!

I think that on Monday, the 22nd, the news stories from the United States are likely going to start to get really bizarre. I was also thinking about a major natural disaster that might happen on the 24th of May, in the morning (Asia's morning) in Eastern Asia, likely China.

Just as I warned on the 6th of April: https://reallybloggy.blogspot.com/2019/04/april-13-2019-major-severe-system-to.html It's going to be a major, significant outbreak of tornadoes in Kansas and possibly also in Nebraska!!! The evidence is not just as in my prediction on my blog. The evidence is also on the Weather Channel website, as well as my YouTube: (No). On my 999th post, even earlier on the 5th of April, I also warned the readers, viewers, about this: https://reallybloggy.blogspot.com/2019/04/my-premonitions-might-be-delayed-this.html

What really has been hurting me, is not knowing what I did wrong...I live with this constantly, and whatever I might've done wrong never came to mind or anything like that

I don't mean to strictly ignore people, but I can't help but ignore many people, for it-ignoring people- has been bringing me true peace, something that's been lacking in my life too much. I noticed it today and it's been extremely revealing just how powerful of a sense of peace I've gotten, it's literally unreal. I don't know where it comes from, probably just my mind, but it's incredible!!! Sorry but I've went through too much stuff not to take advantage of this. It's like this battle between peace and well, whatever's not peace, going on and I can feel it beyond just the mind, and well, it's pretty crazy once I've come to realize that this is the way it's working out...stay and keep up to date on what happens to me. And try to ignore those who have been boasting about themselves and whatnot, because I have been highly doubting that anyone's ever felt the way that I've felt, the peace and some other feelings that I'v

Very interesting music: Kevin Macleod-Hitman

Let us talk about what are, in my opinion, the greatest cameras in terms of value and if you're someone on a budget, at least to some extent. Primary focus=cameras up to about $800 (w/out lens) and that is to be especially the focus of this article, but later I'll also add some that are pretty great even if you decide to expand your budget to some extent. By the way, the list, despite being written in a numerical order, doesn't indicate the cameras in terms of overall performance or mean that one is overall better than the other in all other aspects. 1) Sony A6400 : For my personal needs, this is still far from a perfect camera, but for most people's needs, it might just do the trick; A 24 megapixel APS-C sensor, not a bad lens lineup by any means (especially considering the fact that manufacturers have been focusing a lot of new lens production on Sony much), as well as what is practically unrivaled video capabilities. Sony's sensors are thought to be of the best

A new camera lens has been announced! https://www.dpreview.com/news/5060515436/mitakon-speedmaster-50mm-f0-95-iii-lens-launches-with-improved-optics A great combination of 50mm focal length and f/0.95 maximum aperture! On a Full Frame camera, the lens could produce wonderful images, which would have about the same field of view as the human eye's optimal view perspective, which means that it could produce incredible depth of field at small distances (less than about 50 feet or so) without it having to be a telephoto lens, because for a full frame camera, 50mm is equivalent to about 35mm. You'd have better depth of field and lowlight gathering capabilities as opposed to an APS-C sized sensor camera, as well as a very useful focal length; this is pretty much the exact type of lens that I've been waiting for, it's just not available at the time of this writing, for my specific camera system; not only that, but it's quite expensive given that it doesn't have neither

I got the new HP Envy x360 2-in-1 laptop! It's got 256gb of Solid State Drive, and a Core i5 processor! No more loading of images and video files onto my computer, so it's going to be very fast!

https://github.com/Alexey-Danilchenko/Spectron After reading about it, I don't know what it is, maybe someone can give some advice or an answer???

And feel ominous when using this device, it’s not a situation that i want to be in quite honestly. I was going to message people but i can’t on this device, because i feel like if i do, the worst might happen

Despite buying the different laptop than what i’d hoped for, i thought that it was interesting to use. But now i will most likely go with HP Envy X360 for $599.99

Please let it all go away, for I don't need none of this anymore

I bought what might very likely be the wrong laptop on Monday; Two models that were so close to each other, and practically can't find much, if any, information on one of them, and if I'd like to compare them to really pick out the differences, the one that I've picked out is really difficult to do research on, there seem to be tens of models of the same exact laptop, I mean...the one I chose, most of the aspects about it has been pointing to it being the lower end version, and even being more expensive. And I didn't go about purchasing the item from the dark web, I actually went to the local electronics store. I really wish that I could keep my laptop, but I'm afraid that the cheaper version is likely much better, as unlike the one that I purchased recently, the cheaper version has touchscreen ability, and some other aspects of it were also better for my usage needs. But it seems to have almost the same RAM performance, has the same exact display size, and a little

I really would like to do some skywatching. Quite a lot of bright meteors have been sighted within the past month of April, 2019, and some of those might have been towards the end of March. So, I'm pretty sure that now's about the time to do the stargazing sessions.

I'm from Southern, lower peninsula, of Michigan; this could surely be a tough spring, maybe not for the entirety of spring, but at least until for much of the rest of April. I've always wanted the seasons to change very rapidly, like they can in some places such as near mountains, so I could experience snow followed by lightning and hail as well as other seasonal shifts within a single day. So far, as long as I've been living here, it has rarely ever come close to such a scenario. I think that the constant influence of shifting or changing climate might actually make it different this time; The Chinook winds might be a neat phenomenon, but I think that even without them it's possible, perhaps, to get some extreme weather changes within a relatively short period of time. I've been thinking in particular about the stuff that can be done in such little time with so many weather changes in rapid succession. Anyways, the weather's supposed to be in the upper 60's

It's so late at night. It's past 1 AM. Monday, April 15, 2019, yes, MID APRIL & still snowing. Don't worry though, it's not actually an unusual sight, I was using some exaggeration there; after all, this is Southern lower Michigan. This will likely be the last of freezing weather (snow, sleet, etc.). but not freezing temperature, as freezes, even deep freezes are still likely to come in the mornings. I feel like staying up every minute of every day until the freezing and colder weather decides to subside. Anyways, interesting to wake up in the morning to white powder in the ground. but for goodness sake my tasks aren't all done. It's like the weather, you see: as long as the weather doesn't cooperate, I don't get all of the tasks done that I set out to do; interesting how that has ended up working out. Huh?

Sometimes, we might fear the unknown, but for me, life and the future are the unknown

Here's a link to her work: https://www.flickr.com/photos/tyobita1985/page7 , and her count of followers over 10,000. If this method alone can make me popular on Flickr, I might definitely go and try to do this type of low-DOF, it's just that my camera's not Full Frame, so the potential for creating as shallow of a DOF as possible isn't quite there with my current camera, but there's also the Samyang 85mm/f1.2 lens for Canon- should I invest in that one some day, and adapt it to my camera, or wait for a Full Frame version and get something like a Sony A7 II?

I don't go about obtaining music much because I don't know if I should get CDs or downloads; I suppose CDs very likely might make a comeback, and CD drives might very likely become popular once again. And I hope to have some modernistic high-end device that can play both types of media

Stormy weather for at least a few days, accompanied by warmer weather for a prolonged time that will persist; I tried remembering what my forecast was, if my prediction about the weather was true

I don't buy anything associated with Google, and have been wanting to stay away from Microsoft products too, ever since I was literally BANNED from purchasing Microsoft products from the online store; From now on, It'll probably be an Android device for as much of my needs as I could possibly transfer over, after that hopefully I can find a way to totally remove all Windows/Google/MS well, everything, from my life!!! Once that time comes upon me, I can be more at ease

I really wanted to get one of the bright flat lamps from the store today; there was one for about $20, which I could place on my macro stand, below the camera, to illuminate thin macroscopic subjects. At over 700 lumens, it really would illuminate the subject really well, and if it has a stand, I could use it during my overnight stays at Yosemite National Park, although my use of illumination in the park would probably be quite limited because of the park's restrictions on light pollution. Either way, I could have enough illumination from the source for macro photography to finally be able to use my camera's ultra fast shutter speeds, and the photos could be created much quicker, at least in theory that's about correct. But I actually don't need the features that are extra, such as emergency warning lamp. Anyways, I was surprised to see such lamps, that they even existed. The lamps that I seen in particular could provide consistent illumination without any diffusive mat

What would happen if at least a one second moment of time of my life was worry-free?

I feel mistreated even before anyone says anything to me, whether it be on social media or in real life. I still can feel mistreatment about to come upon me. And I'm too terrified, that this mistreatment will turn to the worst and I all blame might be directed towards me, then I will be punished. This is apparently my torment, it seems

How will I ever find true friends, when my demise is always catching up to me?!

I don't know why, but at about 12AM today, 14th of April, I started having the urge to do stuff, nothing specific, just doing something that's interesting, like particularly a hobby

I was reading about the discovery of the levels of Serotonin in people's saliva as compared to the levels of happiness that people experienced, or how much happiness they had; the results supposedly showed an inverse relationship or connection between high Serotonin and high level of happiness. Wow!!! I almost thought that I knew this somehow in the past, but the implication of such a fact could rewrite much of what we know about the human mind. It certainly has made me feel better as I don't have to rely solely on my own Serotonin to stay happy. And, similarly, I don't need to rely on my happiness level to determine my Serotonin level. Perhaps happiness or good feelings could all just be relative. Perhaps happiness, and maybe other positive feelings and/or emotions could be ruled not by chemicals, but something higher up the grand scheme of this universe; think MDMA perhaps!!!

Well, it has come true; it's just that it turned it a cluster of storms, the brunt of which was a little south of where I'd predicted:

Just as I'd predicted about 11 days ago, a major storm system, but so far today has occurred a little bit south of where I had initially anticipated, but will most likely move into Tennessee, starting in the West of the state, just like I predicted. This time, you don't have to check back at my blog posts by doing some digging; check out my very own YouTube prediction video that I made that day!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=virD04LlAaA Yes, this wasn't TOTALLY accurate, but I tried, and will try better next time!

they’re here; the Fuji xt30, Panasonic gx85, Panasonic g85, Sony A6400, and Canon M50. As for more expensive cameras, how about the XT3, Sony a7III, Panasonic G5, Sony A6500, and OLympus OMD EM1!

I've been wanting to achieve the miniature toy effect for quite some time, and even tried the Brenizer Method, but that seems like it didn't quite work, as the perspective and depth of field transitions between each photo weren't perfect. ? I don't like Google, or Microsoft

Using a computer always felt weird to me, and I can't shake the feeling, honestly

It's good that I've been getting less depressed or whatnot

https://www.sciencealert.com/us-children-are-facing-a-mental-health-crisis-as-suicidal-ideations-climb

I really want a Rokinon 35mm lens but the only main problem is that the aperture's not quite fast enough; not enough light gets through the lens that I wish did get past to the sensor; otherwise, based on it's sharpness, is extremely affordable, but there's a chance that it's got a lot of vignette especially at f/1.2, just like my Mitakon 50/1.2; I need to go Full Frame in the future. In fact, I've also been thinking about getting another camera soon, as the prices have gone down 50 percent in some cases! I'd like to get a Fuji XT20 and mount one of my lens on it, so that if I want to use two different lenses at a time, I can do so by switching cameras!!! Why couldn't they make my 50mm have such great picture quality, I wouldn't mind paying too much up a little bit for that extra aspect to be incorporated.

Tomorrow we get to know if my weather forecast prediction made about 12 days earlier will come true; the major storm system . I had a really strong feeling that this prediction in particular would come true.

My state of vibration has been urging me to go outside at about 1 AM on 4/12/2019 to watch the lightning to the west?!

I was totally and indescribably terrified with the PSAs which were supposedly real and from the 60's about an upcoming invasion of the United States; but in the midst of my terror, I was struck, because I must've entered an alternate reality or something like that, because some of the stuff I seen was stuff that for the life of me I remember from a past time, like another life. This is so strange, I'm not  saying this is true, just bizarre as can be. I seemed to have experienced the formation of a false memory while I was fully awake, and the memory was that of the news stories!!!!!!

There's this thing I tried early April, 2019. And the subject was the moon, but it wasn't supposed to be a regular moon photo, it was supposed to be a very long exposure, to show the moon's movement in a single image for approximately an hour and 30 minutes. The most interesting results should come about during skies that are partly cloudy, because the clouds can also add movement. The reason I tried it this exact date, which was I think was the 9th or 10th of April, is because the Moon happened to be in a waning crescent phase. And after taking about 100 or so photos, each about five seconds long, I noticed that the moon's brightness was just right, but that's because the final image was a composite of multiple slower exposures. I still want to be able to catch this same result in a single exposure. I did some experimenting today, when the Moon was unfortunately pretty boring due to slightly overcast sky, and I found that it's extremely challenging to get the p

i specifically meant Fuji XT2 and SONY A6500. The latter is, in my opinion, worse when it comes to color, albeit not too significant; despite having the advantage of better color reproduction, or more neutral colors, the actual color depth isn’t quite there when compared with the XT2. A main reason why i favored XT2 is because of weight, ironically, sińce the XT2 is heavier. A heavier camera, as I’ve mentioned before, means better stability as long as Sony’s image stabilization can’t be used. Other than that, i thought that the Sony isn’t as aesthetically pleasing to me, though in ergonomic terms is a better choice because of the deeper grip and smaller size. Medium and large lenses on the A6500 don’t look quite right as it has to do with aesthetics. On the other side, you could probably get over that after some time using the Sony. For video, Sony is almost certainly better as it can do internal log profile, and as for 1080p video, can do two Times faster frame rate. Okay, I may admit

I have been wondering, how do Real paranormal photos get taken?, because i don’t fake anything

Went outside at about 7 today, it was very windy and there was still snow on the trees. And yet a risk for severe thunderstorms is possible today. I was thinking of getting some nice photos but i might instead take photos of storms. I found out from someone online that the lens, my Mitakon 50, doesn’t have a perfectly flat focus plane; they ought to have done something about this. I’d like to rather get something more of a 100mm f/1 lens and create wide angle, stitched, images from such a setup!

How are we doing? Is everything okay? I feel like something is wrong.

The moon will rise and shine, then the lights will go out!

I want to leave the States. I want to live near NZ

It is difficult to sleep here

Just waiting for dawn, for the light to start showing outside

I never reach my full potential, whether it has to do with the amount of happiness that I experience, or how much success I have. And I never reach the amount of luck that I could be having all of the time; it seems to be evading me all of the time, and I never really realized it, but it's been this way all of my life, or at least for a LONG TIME. I don't really remember ever being one hundred percent happy; in fact I don't remember any of my life getting to one hundred percent of anything as it has to do with feelings. And even if I did feel happy at all, happiness is an aspect of life that's been eluding me all of the time, always merely passing me by, always wanting to escape me as fast as possible, and perhaps trying to stay as far from me as possible. But being happy, at the same time, wouldn't help as much as I'd like it to; it would only be like an alternate reality or state of mind for me, in which I would become merely numb to all of my emotional pain.

Honestly, I'm not too against most music, but I could've bought quite a lot of music today; I was really lucky! LOL, but it's not always funny

I purchased some new music at a place I'd never been before, which added to the experience, even though overall it was a fucked up day by all means, the new music was the highlight of my day. I didn't have much feelings about it, not much emotions to talk about. I thought about using my gift card to get Imagine Dragons, or Camilla Cabello, as well as several other artists' songs. The entire process of buying something is rather mundane, even a whole album, at least when compared to most stuff that are done in life, but today it felt somewhat different, but anyways...Even though I didn't have much emotion from going to a new place and buying new stuff there, I can tell something very neat. I know that it's possible, it's just simply not something that I've experienced, but I can just tell: purchasing music can feel pretty crazy, at least for some. It's not at all unlikely that you might get some strange feelings before you even listen to music that you

I really have been hoping for CD drives to be built into all modern devices!

Seriously this world isn't meant for me, and neither is this life; just letting you know...

I’ve often been thinking of the things that I’ve been keeping missing out on; I don't think that there's ever a time when I'm not missing out. I seem to be feeling unpleasant by this fact, and it has been affecting me on a constant basis.

I can teach children, "And the dark web is controlled by ghosts (or terrorists)" and well...kind of I suppose it might work