Really Bloggy

Whenever it's stormy, windy, and violent, is the only time when I feel normal, though at the same time, I know it's not right. But mind you, calm times are never right anyways. Even when it seems calm and still, there's chaos going on.

I been to the Northern Bruce Peninsula of Canada for a few days until the 25th of May, 2019.  I also went to Georgian Bay for the first time. The water was terrifyingly cold, I could tell just by the air blowing from the water. The cliffs of the shore of Georgian Bay at Bruce Peninsula National Park was the highlight of the trip, but even though it was a nice area, that's all. It wasn't all that far away from home, but it sure seemed like it. It was cloudy and rainy. I'd like to actually find another place like it, but with sunshine next time around. Accommodations at the vacation home were almost nonexistent, too little to see compared to the amount of time it took to see the natural attractions. It's like chasing what you want, and this time it was looking at the nice towns by the way. I wanted to get into the Provincial parks by the way to the park next to Lake Huron, but the entry fees were expensive. Canada had many windmills, slow speed limits, enormous farms, and

I honestly have been wishing for every day to be like today, the longest day of the year. I wish that there was this much sunlight everywhere on Earth at the same time, every day of the year! We have only one star though.

I'm glad to announce that I'm not jealous anymore. Sure, I don't even have half of what I want, but at least I got somewhere, and I have come to terms to accept such a fate. Getting a really great and somewhat expensive camera was what really pushed me to the brink, that is, the brink beyond which there's no more jealousy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duxjssSGA9k

"I go deep for your love, deep for Busushw'Sa"- Gorgon City

We should let it all show, so that our problems are resolved.

I don't feel like going out with people who I don't like, bossing me around, going with me and telling me what to do, monitoring what I can and what I can't do. This is not good. Why does bad stuff always invade my life constantly?! It's w hy I have to write about bad stuff all of the time, because it's true. I never figured out why I was put into this world for years in the first place if it's supposed to be like this, no one ever thinks that what I write is true, and all of that stuff probably seems fake to everyone. I don't want to die though.

I hope that the Zeiss and Sigma lenses come down in price drastically soon, so that I can get one for my camera; I'd like a full frame in the future though, so I'm not too sure about that.

I've been trying to decide if I should get a Panasonic S1H as a hybrid camera for use as video as well as photo (Yet to be released). It's supposedly a replacement for at least a few cinema cameras, with up to 6k video recording. I could really make use of 6k, at least if the frame rate can be really fast, at least sixty frames per second, so that I could down sample to 4k and make my 4k video look even better. But I also need, or have demanded, stuff like RAW video recording, 4:4:4 Codec (I don't actually know what that means), internal ND filter, full frame readout w/out pixel binning or line skipping, etc. Panasonic has been really catching up with Sony as the greatest camera manufacturer, although Fuji should be just as great. I have these passions of mine, because there needs to be something to fill up my life of mine. Life needs to be interesting to be worthwhile, and I truly need to be interested in stuff, you know.

It's all so difficult, and I don't want to die

Why are people such strange beings? Why must they have a deeply held urge to do strange things? Makes me want to cry and hurt myself over and over, knowing how weird everyone is.

"Why don't we ever notice these things. the ones that I've been talking about?" I have asked myself, only to find myself in an arrogant society, one that makes me want to escape life itself, makes me wish that I were dead several years ago, to not even know what was coming.

When I really put much proficient thought into it, I can't decide if I'm dead or alive. Like, I could've died a long time ago, and caught up in the delusion that this is the actual real conscious life, because it's all an illusion. We keep living in a state of potential fear and panic, we never stop to think that we might have died but our mind is still waiting to switch off and we get thrown out of our reality. "Philosophy" as they might call it, yet it's not pure peace in our consciousness until even thought itself stops working; when the time seems to go by so fast that we can't stop to think or anything. We are all constantly stuck in limbo and it's beyond our awareness, never knowing what it is that we need; and therefore, it's an unnecessary suffering because we never get what we want; we are hardwired to need specific situations to happen to us, and unless we're convinced that we've experienced all of them, we can't imagine b

Don't worry about my life; it's only full of psychological pain, it's only suffering, it's only rethinking everything on a constant basis, and the circumstances that kill me...

What if we actually were alive?

I was told that during my surgery, no painkillers could be used. Today, I'm a fairly confident person after that happened. I want ever more, to follow in Wim Hof's footsteps! The secret is to not avoid pain, but accept pain for what it is.

I have wanted to visit the upper north of Michigan, either Lake Superior or Huron, during this month of June or possibly WV & Virginia, and to my dismay, another thing in my life had to go wrong. I had an extreme infection inside me that started showing signs of its existence in late May when I had excruciating pain on my spine. I couldn't sit or walk at the time. Right now, it's really boring and quiet here in the Midwest great lakes region of the united states. Tomorrow, June 6, 2019, this silence will change and somewhere a major news event will become mainstream news. Will it happen in the Midwest? I don't know. But it's really quiet in the world for the past few weeks or so. If there's an earthquake, it'll most likely be in Southern California this week.