Emotional pain can be complex and is truly overwhelming

I never reach my full potential, whether it has to do with the amount of happiness that I experience, or how much success I have. And I never reach the amount of luck that I could be having all of the time; it seems to be evading me all of the time, and I never really realized it, but it's been this way all of my life, or at least for a LONG TIME. I don't really remember ever being one hundred percent happy; in fact I don't remember any of my life getting to one hundred percent of anything as it has to do with feelings. And even if I did feel happy at all, happiness is an aspect of life that's been eluding me all of the time, always merely passing me by, always wanting to escape me as fast as possible, and perhaps trying to stay as far from me as possible. But being happy, at the same time, wouldn't help as much as I'd like it to; it would only be like an alternate reality or state of mind for me, in which I would become merely numb to all of my emotional pain. Emotional pain isn't a bitch; it's totally overwhelming. I never actually comprehended one percent or so of emotional pain, and I never want to experience it again. I don't want to die, but I want emotional pain to make me suffer again. It's not something that words can describe. I've been into some complex emotional states of mind, and I don't even know how to explain or describe them fully to people; emotional pain is truly traumatizing, and I don't need even a subtle amount of it. I don't wish emotional pain on even the worst of enemies, no one deserves it! In fact, for the given amount of emotional pain which I've experienced, it literally felt like terrifying events happening to me, such as having a tsunami coming at you, or the unknown. It really has terrified me to think of this stuff, emotional pain, and how potent it is. I don't know why, maybe it's merely because I've had emotional thoughts come to mind, but never actually experiencing much traumatic events; maybe I'm emotionally sensitive?

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