I'm too miserable by the way

BTW I can't look at my TV at all; that's why I haven't been playing video games at all for quite some time. I don't know what's wrong about looking at my TV; it can't simply be something wrong with me, not just a problem that's in my mind. I feel the same way about all electronic devices in my home because each time I've looked at them, it was almost always the same, and I feel like it all needs to destroyed for my own good so that I don't feel this way anymore. I don't know, but it's really horrifying what happens to me even I glance at one of the monitors in my house. I now feel like it might happen to me again; I've tried putting my TV away in a box or doing something like that (hiding it out of my view) so that I can finally have peace of mind, but I can't do anything to my parent's devices and they don't understand the situation. I'm not going to lie, I'd rather be dead than have to experience this, that's how bad my life has become. Sure, I can leave home, but sooner or later will probably have to return on a daily basis, unless I go on vacation. I have been having feelings of embarrassment, impending doom, as well as other feeling such as being punished, each of which has been so intense that I wish that I could not experience stuff at all. And to add to that, my feelings have been amplified by people, as they don't help me at all.