Really Bloggy

In the past, I promised to myself to not allow life to get to me; to not let others get to me in any way and hate me for simply being someone who is acceptable in various ways; Lately, I've felt like a failure. I've failed to achieve these objectives. There are still things in this universe which are not controllable, even by the most careful experts. I have also failed to do what I wanted after realizing that not everything's fine with me yet. So what sense is it to ask me for such stupid, pointless, stuff for years? The conclusion is none other than, "there is no sense to life". I've only been degraded in life, and the more answers I've gathered, the more questions I've had. All the while, not a single person notices that something's wrong with my life, that it's all nothing more than bullshit; everyone thinks about stuff that's not the most urgent and important in my life. Society doesn't give a shit about what I have to say, or what

All I've been dreaming of lately, is to escape to a different world, a fantasy world. The winter weather here, meaning snow, freezing temperatures, ice, etc. seem to have to last half of a year, or slightly shorter. It would likely make a world of difference to move just a thousand or so miles away, for example, to Virginia.

Finding happiness where this place at this time, is like finding water in the middle of a desert!

Music has helped me imagine the world a wonderful, even as it's a wasteland

My Kind of philosophy is about what we as people can learn from our life experiences, our setbacks and our positive moments. Life is a complicated topic, and I think that we can learn much more than we are probably aware, about life. In my opinion, in order to be succesful at philosophy, is to expand your thinking, not just by thinking more, but also by looking at life from various perspectives; think in various ways: in more sense than one. One major thing that I’ve discovered after looking back on my life experiences, is that what is essentially „magic” is hidden in stuff that usually might not make sense; thought that might seem random to you, might become essentially magic once you take a different approach to them, and that can be done by thinking about them from a fresk perspective: the result? It now makes sense!

I have been thinking to myself, "Why don't people understand my thoughts?"; I think that the answer might be hidden in philosophy itself: it's philosophy that's what I've been thinking about deeply, and I have good reason to think that people don't understand my writings, because my level of understanding is higher than theirs, or at least different that theirs, when it has to do with philosophy, as well as understanding, and even imagination. Imagination is a good path towards understanding, in my own philosophically written words. To be successful at understanding such deep thoughts, such as my own, it takes a good amount of imagination. For some reason, one which I'm not certain about, my imagination is best some time between 12 AM & 4 AM, and is a major reason why I've found it difficult to sleep for some nights. Otherwise, usually if I don't stay up at night, I'd have nightmares, one's that were extremely terrifying to me, and

Without imagination, there'd be death and destruction

Each night, something magical awaits; it's your imagination at work! Make sense of it, for it can lead to something beautiful, an enrichment of your own life, and be the warrior against sadness. It's the night that brings out the best of our minds.

Once again, it's past 1 AM, on a Saturday morning, and yet I've been thinking deeply about stuff, during my most creative time of day; I've said and thought things that aren't supposed to be public, and yet those words, and those thoughts, are destined to be drowned out by everything, the vast and untamed, the cosmic frequencies of energy.

It's past 1 AM, and I'm already thinking about coffee and other creative stuff!

It's nice to live in a reality in which you aren't worried, in which you don't suffer...

To escape the tortures of this world, emptiness, solitude, and lack of anything is key; Peace and total silence are what you shall find.

Why does my life seem to go by so quickly? It seems like it's gone before anything meaningful can come about.

I can't stand the time of year when the weather basically can't decide on what season it's supposed to be, and nothing interesting comes about...makes me wish that I could literally fly away

Mundane stuff is like an obsession of mine; pondering the mundane, is like pondering infinity: it's by far more difficult to overcome than anything else that can possibly be thought of.

These days, it seems that everything is disappointing and depressing. These mundane circumstances make for very dreary times, and everything which might otherwise be interesting, becomes uninteresting; that is, nothing is interesting anymore. Everything seems like a lack of positivity. It's had me concerned for a long time...

Think about it for a moment...

My question is, "what if things were okay?"

Playing very complicated video games is a great stress relief for me.

I got terrified whenever i noticed one friend deleting me from Facebook, or unfollowing me

Okay, let's do a rundown of this entire timeline, my life is a long story after all: In elementary school, saying some stupid stuff, in 4th grade, being called a bitch without reason...then the problems went away, until 6th grade, when someone started verbally harassing me. I thought that this was the end, because I had never met them before, after all of that happened. Then, my problems subsided again, and came back in 12th grade, this time with full force. However, In 2012 or early 2013, I was walking home from school: met a nice-looking girl who I'd like never seen before, and yet ever since then, had never talked to because I had so many problems at the time that I was trying to figure out that were overtaking my mind, and actually were having visible effects out in the real world, not just in my mind. A long time afterwards (at the end of 2013), after that event had long gone by now, I started working and school at the same time; as a result of doing too much at once, I fe

I thought that I had a heartbreak. It could explain why my YouTube video had unexplained white powder in it. I definitely was in despair for several years. Life has taught just how crazy things can get, emotionally. Hopefully people will change their ways and attitudes. I was asked by someone, „Are there truths that no one believes, but that you know are true?” And i replied, „I don’t know what to think about that”. What would you say?

I've been a Sony, Canon, & Fuji user! There have been times when I thought about which camera I should use quickly, during a fleeting situation, and trying to quickly adjust the settings on the camera, to perfection. However, switching, or transitioning, between totally different camera brands and trying to adjust the settings as quickly as possible during a quick window of time, was like playing a video game, one that was extremely complicated, and that's where I think that the fun really comes in, when it really comes down to things! Sony's got more of an electronic-type feel to it's user interface, if you know what I mean, while using a Fuji is like using a stick-shift or manual transmission on a car! Meanwhile, Canon has been the camera that I've been using the most and have been the most familiar with, but after a long time using the Fuji and/or the Sony, things will most likely change, and getting back into terms with the Canon might some day turn out to b

Honestly, I missed my chance, and it is exactly that which I have feared. Now, after having thought about it, it turns out that I have bought stuff for virtually no reason; I could've done the same with what I had before; now the memories need to return, and not be forgotten. So I should probably get rid of some of my photography gear, so that I can immerse myself again in the good times!

Think about the updates that are to be added to the Fuji XT3, an already great camera: Live long exposure, Wifi X-RAW, Live HDR preview, 9 shot-multiple-exposure, etc. If only they implement focus stacking, the camera's probably going to become superior to almost everyone else.

I feel very calm for a moment, a moment of peace here, as the results of this time are good

This is the UV, Visual, & IR spectrum, mapped into RGB, which is our own set of colors that we can perceive. To me, this is the art of discovery, but also science. What might be a camera some day, with a back thinned CCD sensor and quartz glass, might possibly produce even more perplexing results. What makes this image surprising is that it was taken using a non-modified camera, my personal favorite & my very own, Fuji XT2. I'm happy to conclude that the Rokinon 50mm f/1.2 is very good for Infrared work. The IR photo, which represents the red channel, was taken at only ISO 200, at a shutter speed of 12 seconds, using an aperture of f/1.2. The focus in the IR shot is off, as compared to the other shots, which have an identical plane of focus; despite this difference in focus, the result turned out surprisingly great! Hopefully, by the beginning of the spring season, which doesn't start off as much in my area until about mid April to May, I will have a true IR filter th

I really wanted to explore UV photography with a specially modified camera, but also be able to take full spectrum photos and record unexplained phenomena, but the more research I put into it, the more I realized that it’s a large investment. However, a filter for UV imaging would cost me at least 159 dollars, and i’d also need at least one ring for allowing the filter to be mounted to my own lens, which would most likely need to be a Quartz lens. In addition, the sensor would rather need to be a CCD sensor, which in this age is rare to find. But even then, I still wouldn’t be able to capture the full potential that a regular camera can have, which is to expand the spectral range of light gathered by the camera sensor even more; to do so, however, the camera would no longer function as a color camera, but would have better resolving power, being able to capture more detail than an ordinary process by which such a feat could be achieved would involve getting rid of not just the UV/IR fi

Is it normal for me to have visions of a past life, that can interfere with my emotions, to such a degree, that I can put two totally different things together, and they will cause emotional effects? I remember passing by an old barn, for example, on my way to a town, and I got what was like a flashback, an emotional response to the barn, and I became so sad, that it's indescribable. Someone ought to lend me some answers...

Honestly, I've been convinced somehow, that my state of emotion has been caused by events that have happened in a past life.

I honestly have been traumatized by psychiatric episodes; not because of a mental illness or anything of that nature; my psychologist, therapist, and other people have gained too much importance, and have been too critical of me, causing me to feel euphoric, but strangely, in a negative way, in which I practically couldn't cope with life at all. What have these people done to me, I might never fully understand. I have lived life knowing that there must be something beyond, even though that's not a fact. I came to believe that in almost any way in which life enfolds and ends, will be nonimportant, because life itself is part of a greater scheme of things. At least, the thought of something like that has helped me obtain comfort in life. The world is evil in the sense that it's complicated, and I can't express fully what I'm feeling and what my state of mind is like. I'm too convinced of truths that seem true but others believe are false. Medicine and therapy has

I've been essentially entranced by life, so much so that I became unaware of the world around me, and how it works. Two things came together, and even though they didn't even have mere correlation with each other, let alone a connection, caused an emotional feeling in me which, unless experienced firsthand, cannot be grasped by the mind. I feel this way in a particular place and time, when the circumstances are just right, and I cannot explain it at all. What does this life teach us by such an event? I can't even imagine what it might mean; I mean, this whole reality of ours is so unimaginable, I can't describe it. My dream? I don't really have dreams, but I've had extreme nightmares that have left me literally traumatized in life. Take, for example, something that started as a dream, nothing too significant, and my past memories of being bullied multiple times in school; and as a result, I've refused to become friends with people. Then, in the dream, I'

Once, there was a time when I made a great blog that could be a base for expressing my feelings. There was some hope that I could feel better through writing a blog, instead of posting on social media. Soon, however, my Google+ account, and this blog, will go away.

Bad luck has to always find it's way to us...like when I lose my Google+

Fucking extreme weather conditions making my lips so dry, they have cracked and hurt like a bitch

35mm f/1 Macro! That's the type of lens that I wish could be made for the Fuji X, and would be perfect for my needs of photography!

Sadly, even my archives won’t survive

From one side, the atheists will pull, and from the other, religious people will pull. They will pull at you from each side, tearing you apart.

Why the fuck am I looking at random archived records, between 1 AM & 2 AM? I mean, what the fuck is happening to me?

I don't even know what you should be doing for me. I can't fucking do this either!

Everything going awry

This blog will be removed gradually, starting in March; I don't know how it's going to be from now on...I don't see stuff getting any better; this is devastating. Why, I probably shouldn't be here in the first place; I mean, I've been going through so much hardship, and have been trying to express myself and get my messages out to people... but just like Google+, everything likely must come to an end; except for my life. Keeping that in mind, life in it's entirety is a very sad and lonely phenomenon in this universe, one that doesn't get any comfort

I feel somewhat great for today, but as always, not perfect, because you never know what time will bring; don't expect anything good out of the future, ever. For now, it's practically just a feeling. I still think about the feeling of wasting time all of these moments of my life; even doing what I'm passionate about is far from making me 100% happy. Oh well, let's see about that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=334&v=t57DPnH06V0

Sometimes, people have problems, such as not getting homework done on time, or having a heartbreak; you know, things that don't usually lead to anything serious in the long term. Honestly, I really wish that I could have such problems in my life, instead of these truths. I wish that my problems could pale in comparison to everyone else's problems, not the other way around. To me, major problems that people face, except maybe major illness or something of that nature, are at most pretty much nothing compared to how my life has been going. If I could simply only be late on time all of the time, do some homework wrong, do something wrong at work, breakup with someone, get into an argument, or something else that's trivial, then I'd be happy. Why? Because then I'd know that my life's actually going greatly, compared to what it's going like now; what a terrible way to live!

Why is it that since people have done bad stuff to me, treated me like a piece of shit, that things have gone awry in my life? I mean, I've had bad relations with just about anyone who I've met, even though I've been nothing but nice to them, and most of them being people who I've seen for the first time in my life. Also, bad luck seems to have followed me everywhere, causing nothing but additional trauma to me. Why is it that I've gotten blamed for just about everything, even though I've been extra cautious? For example, my parents, not even knowing that I've been treated bad by people, have blamed me for all of their troubles and problems; in particular, when we went on vacation, I was looked down upon extremely critically and made to virtually feel no good, at any time? I wish that I hadn't taken on any travelling, but I had no choice, as I was forced to. All that I've been doing in life, is literally worthless. Because of my bad luck and misfortu

From -20 to 50 degrees, and now another cold front:

These episodes have been replaying in my mind so often; I keep having bad stuff happen to me as a result of the bad luck associated with them. I have trouble remembering, but I never get a chance to go back in time and repair the actual damage that was done to me. I've been literally addicted to living in a way that doesn't bring about stress and anxiety; but these episodes feel like a withdrawal from life itself. This has been the cause for trauma in my life; something that can't be helped except to acknowledge the fact that it exists.

Extended period of isolation can lead to an extraordinary, and surprisingly, positive change! Here: https://www.sciencealert.com/isolation-has-profound-effects-on-the-human-body-and-brain-here-s-what-happens

Never in my life did I think that I’d ever even be thinking this: let good Times arrive!

Just trying to make sense of all of this

A full frame camera with internal UHD 4k/60p, full sensor width, 14 bit output, ability to zoom in to achieve the advantage of the full sensor resolution, 5-axis IBIS, sound and image stabilization available for video (both 4k 60 and HD modes) BSI, Flip screen, Live ND (take it from Olympus), Focus stacking (take from Panasonic), Sony sensor, AA-less, built-in ND...a dream that hasn't come true yet, but please, for goodness sake, someone please make it work

I want night to end, I can't do it like this any more!

Why, why? I'm stuck in this horrible situation, in which "Bad" is the very definition of me...

I hope for a hurricane to go across the entire Arctic from afar and come down from Canada and that said storm is a CAT 5

Apparently, I'm a bad influence on everyone, and I'm no good as a person. But if such weren't true, then I wouldn't be treated like a piece of shit. I have failed at life and it's perhaps why I'm not sleeping when it's 2:11 AM

Why is it between 2 AM & 3 AM, when I get obsessed about some random thing someone said on a YouTube video, and keep staying awake?

Seems to be true, right? Horrible, but true: Sleep deprivation is really getting to me, I have trouble falling asleep. Perhaps the reasoning behind this phenomenon is that I want to make the most of life? Not smoking, not drinking, not eating, and not giving a fuck about what other people think of me. As I listen to random music through my headphones, I keep hearing random noises which I previously had only heard in my subconscious awakening state, so now I know that they are there, but what the fuck are they trying to tell me? How can I get past all of these mountains?

Seriously, I've been feeling like I've been in a Valley, despite not having any symptoms of depression. But, regarding how I want to feel, how can one climb higher?!

Sure, power outages and other crazy stuff, but then the insane also happened: https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/influencers-are-posing-in-swimsuits-in-50-degree-temperatures-during-dangerous-polar-vortex/ar-BBT3Rgb?ocid=spartanntp#page=2

Hi. I don't feel like I'm going to die. Have a good day. But still despaired as fuck.

What If? recently posted about being the only person left on Earth; but wait, when I get emotional, I seriously literally feel like I'm that only one! I can't ever understand, not in this life, why some songs make me feel such indescribable emotion.

Google+ is to shut down; what the fuck were they thinking?! I mean, I posted many articles throughout time on my Google+ collection that weren't being reported on mainstream media!

If technology was under my control, if it could be built to my demands, then cameras, TVs, etc. would become like the hurricane of weather, one that can travel across Antarctica, and still maintain a Category FIVE and potentially even go past Australia and effect continental Asia

Is there something fun to do during the spring?!

I'm excited, at least to some extent, for the forecast temperature of 48 degrees F here in southern Michigan. It won't feel like much of a heat wave, however, unless you've been outside long enough during the polar vortex. And if you've been wearing protection, well, god help us!

The Panasonic S1 & S1R full frame cameras are literally like a dream come true. I said "like", because it's almost a dream. There are at least a couple of aspects about the cameras that I think are missing, such as BSI sensors and small size. Their large (over 1 kilogram) weight should really help when handholding with a large lens. Their maximum of about 6 stops of image stabilization is really great, even though it doesn't quite match the image stabilization of the Olympus OMD-EM1X. However, being about $500 less than the Olympus and still having a sensor that's 4, yes that's FOUR times larger than that of the Olympus, these Panasonics could very likely succeed. There is one feature which I suppose could be considered missing, and that's Live ND such as in the EM1X. Their native ISO range starts at ISO 100, which can be a good thing and a bad thing, depending on the exact situation; For example, a lower ISO value can achieve better results, in parti

Not going to lie, I really fucked up again this time; more money going away from my account because I forget to cancel...sigh

I suspect that global warming and cooling could both be the culprit that can play around with the jet streams. Maybe the climate is just warming up? Based on my knowledge, climate change is real, however, it's part of a natural process, and society's effects on it are so trivial and complicated that we might never come up with a definitive conclusion. All of our conclusions that we might come up with in the future might just practically be guesses, no matter how long we study climate. Beyond Earth, there's also the Universe, and have you ever considered the Universe's influence on Earth's climate, like the sun for example? However, if Earth stops warming, well hey, we still have other places to go to, true? If the Universe keeps existing despite Earth becoming destroyed, would Earth's fate really then matter to us?! I mean, there's much beyond Earth that we need to think about

Here in my state, the polar vortex caused a transformer (power station?) to catch fire, which was the cause of an emergency response sent to peoples' phones, and people were prompted to keep their thermostats down to less than 60 or so degrees. And some people, particularly in online chat forums, like to talk like idiots, for sure. So, as a result, less heat will be generated by homes for a brief moment, and some time following this, could've been therefore at night the amount of heat being lost to the great outdoors will be less, and the weather in the local area might very likely not warm as much by "Global warming" (local phenomena). Tell everyone to go outside at the right time and place, however, when population reaches overpopulation, and eventually we could (theoretically) stay outside for long enough to help out with global warming?! What other bullshit will people come up with on the internet; chat forums really been incredibly informative, and at the same ti