Medicine doesn't explain my state of mind totally

I honestly have been traumatized by psychiatric episodes; not because of a mental illness or anything of that nature; my psychologist, therapist, and other people have gained too much importance, and have been too critical of me, causing me to feel euphoric, but strangely, in a negative way, in which I practically couldn't cope with life at all. What have these people done to me, I might never fully understand. I have lived life knowing that there must be something beyond, even though that's not a fact. I came to believe that in almost any way in which life enfolds and ends, will be nonimportant, because life itself is part of a greater scheme of things. At least, the thought of something like that has helped me obtain comfort in life. The world is evil in the sense that it's complicated, and I can't express fully what I'm feeling and what my state of mind is like. I'm too convinced of truths that seem true but others believe are false. Medicine and therapy has the potential to only make my life more miserable, at a cost that is practically worth everything to me. Sure, one can blame such thoughts on medicine, but I don't think that medicine alone has been the sole cause of all of this, what I simply call "indescribable". In the past, at least I'd feel good despite being in the midst of a negative state of mind; it's like convincing yourself that pain is beautiful, and I honestly don't know much else to say.