My future vision of this week...

People who've been terrorizing me aren't punished, and it's terrifying. I never recognize this world. It's terrifying for future generations as it is for me, because I've never had anyone to protect me from insults and offensive behavior. As a result, I've been psychologically unsafe and that lack of safety has had it's consequences already. Usually people probably think that it's not something that causes much of anything, but for me it's cost me my life, because my life is now worthless. Trauma is real in this situation, and I'm traumatized because I haven't been able to defend myself and I've failed against other people. I often wake up, not just wishing or thinking, but knowing, that being dead is better than being alive. I never went against people like I could've: I don't know why. And now I fail at everything, never get to do anything, always bored, but also not being able to think clearly out of disbelief of all of this. Disbelief, that things could come to this and that other people let everything happen to me without moving a finger. I often have felt that there's a force beyond me, condemning me multiple times over life, and I can't control anything. It's purely indescribable, all of this.