Emotion, indicative to something special

Often times, I have tried to recreate in my mind the past memories that I've had. Being an emotional person can be a truly negative aspect of life, because good memories can cause us too much despair in our last hours of life. To me, memories have not just been a combination of various senses: it literally has been a feeling that was represented to me in the form of an additional sense, that which is likely to be unknown to scientists, and the specific emotional senses that I've experienced unknown perhaps to all others, because all others likely haven't experienced the exact experiences that I have.  I found out shortly before writing of this, that recreating past memories physically is something that people who are soon to die are likely to try to do. I have indeed tried to recreate various past memories, some of which might never have happened and which never had much or any apparent significance to me: for me, recreating such events might have worked out mentally to some extent but never panned out physically because the exact & specific aspects of reality at play in the physical world were too far from for me, and too distanced from the memories of the past. The various sensual aspects were too different during the present time than they were in the initial memories, if that makes sense. Recreating past memories is practically like guesswork then. Arguably, I might never recreate past times so that they can end up in the present time relatively perfectly, especially since no one cares to think about the past with such scrutiny, because during the time when great memories are being made, one's state of mind needs to be critical of all aspects of the situation: not just what one feels and senses, but also as many aspects of the physical environment as possible. It's probably safe to say that the extra sense that I've delved into, that is mostly if not solely associated with emotion, was meant as an indication to me that life is something special. Perhaps, or possibly, I might have had such emotional sense because I might've started to do things correctly, as was intended. The human species of itself is certainly intelligent, but in my mind's eye, it's not intelligence alone that will achieve true success: don't simply have fun and go about making success for anyone, whether it's on your time off from school or work. By the way, this is meant to simply help you. There are various aspects of life, and intelligence might be an important one, but it's not the only one. A machine or device isn't perfect merely for being efficient, but in our case instead of efficiency to talk about, it's intelligence instead, and intelligence is something that can generally encompass various things, such as proficiency in things such as reading or writing, but also love and memory. Think also about being moral, and ethical towards the world, particularly to the environment, which will be detailed in the upcoming blog post.

If my own happiness and all other good states of mind could be traded for my wellness, I should accept it

By not being able to recreate the past, I've felt like a failure because I am in some way a total failure. My attempts at bringing past situations to the here and now, and certainly failing at it, was probably my earliest response in life to that of all of the weight that I've been trying to lift, the weight of all of the difficult emotions that I've been taking on and trying to much to overcome. But also, the attempts seem, undoubtedly, to be the earliest clues in life to realizing to myself that despite so much positivity, the weight of all my emotions is too much and it's better if things would end. I'm not someone who wants to die during the time of this writing, I'm someone who'd like to somehow get rid of the way my life, as well as the way the world, is. It's unimaginably difficult for me, to tell about an aspect of life which is true yet everyone in the world likely agrees against it. And it's difficult when I know deeply that life keeps getting worse for me, and the importance of tragic events happening on the news are far more important to people's minds than my own good. The way I've been feeling sometimes during my life... if that same amount of importance, the one that is thought about during a tragic event somewhere in the world is applied to me, that's what can create a more balanced situation. News from around the world or just from around the country is often tragic, but don't underestimate the unseen tragedy going on to me. If all feelings that can make me happy or feel good at all could be traded for making up for my well being, then my own life could be a totally different story. I have likely gone beyond in terms of thinking compared to anyone else, but the realization of stuff has effected me.