A nighttime thought that changed my perspective on life

I've written before that night time is the time, especially late night, when I get the most creative thoughts. One night, as I was laying in bed, I was wondering about a great basin or body of water that, if it existed, would be about the size of the Caspian Sea, very shallow and hot, as in 100 or more degrees. But then I extended my imagination, and decided in my mind that to the north of the basin was a great flat land, hundreds of square miles of nothing but perfectly flat and very smooth land, as smooth as a polished surface, with approximately twenty lakes, each about the size of Lake Erie. Each of the lakes was very deep and contained water with an average temperature of about 40 degrees. I tried to picture a great surge of air coming across the basin and going north, eventually coming across the several smaller lakes and tried to imagine what exactly would happen, weather-wise, and how complex all of the parameters would need to be, trying to basically calculate in my mind how much precipitation would be produced and what the exact outcomes would be in terms of air pressure and other things. But often, when I've had such a fascinating thought, for reasons unknown, I abruptly forgot it within a second: also for reasons unknown, the end of such a great thought made me literally want to die because of how much strain it put on my mind to come back to it, as it would simply refuse to return. But sometimes the very same things that fascinate us (in this example water) can be equally tortuous to the mind as they can be fascinating and interesting to think about. For I can also decide to think in a totally opposite direction, in which water is coming at me, and please let's not get into the details. I might diverge a little if I write this, but Cannabis can get one's mind to think in various interesting ways, but life isn't always about interestingness. Because while interestingness and fascination can be looked upon as great to us, we can't get caught up in the world in this way, as the world is also terrifying and dangerous, and we should probably try to live with danger and terror and try to at least accustom ourselves to it, otherwise it will always be a potential threat to us. Pain itself is a threat to many of us all, but terror is here to save us from getting too emotional about pain. I've been feeling pain from the smallest of things- I'm a very pain intolerant person, physically at least. The ability to activate terror when it's needed (during pain) is what resilience is mainly about. In the meantime, terror when it's not needed is degrading, can lead to panic, and might in bad cases make oneself want to die.