I want something successful to happen in my life, but it's like I'm being destroyed!

When something doesn't work out for about ten minutes or so, or if I have to wait for something that long, ten minutes (or so), it seems that the entire world is collapsing on me. Often, I despise life-even if it's thinking about it: after all, something's been telling me to be: nonreligious, insane, violent, lazy, etc. And additionally, I have extreme allergies, acne, I have a relentless urge to take risks, and a near constant feeling of dread-partly having to do with my daily nightmares. I want something successful to happen in my life! Everything that makes people and society angry, everything that goes against it, pertains to me, and I've often been seeking isolation, silence, alternative ways of thinking, sugar-free diets, etc. For example, in a society that's extraverted, I seek introversion; where almost everyone has been seeking perfection, I'd be failing at almost every step. I disagree with so many people's opinions. It's almost as if "something" wants me to be gradually and eventually destroyed by all of these people, and that's by me becoming "anti-people", in terms of my personality, behavior, attitude, as well as physically by having physical conditions!