The future flies like a bird, but it's too far away for me to see
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Climate and mind bending reality stuff
I might like an organized circle of storms moving around me on land, separated by many miles so as to not collide and form a cyclone, just to observe the spectacle that's been on my mind. Like, blue glowing orbs are storms, while green & yellow arrows can indicate direction of rotation. My mind essentially imagine more, you know: The dark energy can be essentially repulsive and cause the entire system to not become a major storm; it could make climate change be a trivial thing, except that the laws of nature would be modified and it would be great (you might think) except that it would probably only work if the universe would be quantum in nature.
As a "Two dimensional" entity, I find no clues anywhere in this world
I don't know why I'm into these insane things that I'm into. Why do I want a world that's quiet and still, everywhere that everyone goes? Why is it that the things I like are the things that they are? The world doesn't give me any clues anywhere I look. I can go to a grocery store, and I see so much stuff, but not even one of the things offers me any evidence, and peoples' random discussions & conversations don't offer evidence as well. I see no evidence when I step outside at night, I see none in the random nature of everything, no clues to why I'm here or as to what's wrong with my mind. I have seen from my own perspective, that I'm essentially only a two-dimensional entity among three dimensional people, in a very literal sense. But it seems recently that perhaps we might all be two dimensional in our state of mind, living in a region of the universe that's only two dimensional, while somewhere beyond our reach is the third dimension, ...
Of all of the things that can potentially happen to us
Think of all of the stuff that can kill us at any instant of our life, and respectively, all of the things that we could accomplish as soon as possible before it can happen to us. What about all of the things that we could be?
I remembered this song very clearly
"I really want to go out I really want to go outside and stop to see your day You really want to hole up You really want to stay inside and sleep the light away I really want to go out I really want to go outside and make it light all day You really want to hole up You really want to stay inside and not care where you lay Well I know what's good Exactly 'cause I have been there before Yeah I know what's good Exactly those things night cannot behold I really want to go out I really want to go outside and stop to see your day You really want to hole up You really want to stay inside and sleep the light away I think it's good to go out 'Cause if you don't you'll never make a memory that will stay I think that you should wake up I think I want to live my life and you're just in my way"~Cults-Go Outside All it takes is a few seconds of a song that sounds alike
Who really is Daenerys?
Who? She's the female version of James Franco, or essentially the same as him but in a different dimension
How does one stay in an insane asylum for over a week, in a Time span of only a few hours?! i literally had a dream like this, it literally lasted over a week, and i woke up realizing that it was only within the Time that i had been sleeping. During the stay, i was suffering, someone left me, just like it had happened before; in the past i had also stayed in a psychological center for over a week (3 weeks) and someone from the place also left me, after which i couldn’t get back to them. I feel, after having the unbelievable experience, as though there is at least one extra dimension to this reality, and until we have access to it, not all of our problems and desires are accounted for in this life.
A special branch of philosophy
Vedic philosophy & Morphic Resonance~ I was listening to a Russell Brand Podcast on YouTube with Rupert Sheldrake about indeterminism in reality, such as the laws of physics not being constant, as well as weather systems, among other things.I thought that it was pretty interesting stuff, you can watch that specific video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAS-QzWvj8g&feature=youtu.be&t=1374
The best poet I've ever read about
Shreya Vikram is the most compelling author of poetry that I've ever known, and partly because it relates to exactly how I've been feeling over the years!!!
An update on the weather here
The days here from about 5/7/2019 to 5/16/2019 have been relatively calm, with gentle winds. Meanwhile, each night has been extremely calm and clear. I went out at least one of the nights, and the stillness was almost surreal; it made me think if it's because of the air pressure that might have been steadily increasing over the past week, a calm before the storm, and if low pressure would be leading slowly in from behind it and the weather might go crazy. Now it's getting warm very fast, day by day, and some strong storms are possible right around this time, but especially during the start of next week. I was thinking about where to go for vacation this season, Virginia, or up North near Lake Superior's east coast, so I've been wondering if weather's going to play a part in the plan.
This lesson of life is really powerful
Every single day of your life, is a chance- your chance- to essentially learn everything that you're supposed to learn! Just consider each day as an entire era, live like it's an entire era, take advantage of everything that's happening around you; the random motion of the clouds, for example, are something: an inspiration. Pay attention to the way things happen, to what happens when.
The changes of the seasons have a much deeper meaning to them!!!
The lure of spring and summer as well as all of the compelling things that come with warmer weather are here. Too bad that the thought of paranormal and extraterrestrial entities isn't on much people's minds. I suppose that I'll have to go somewhere else in this world. Sometimes it might seem to some people like the act of watching or observing the progression of winter into spring, spring into summer, or any season into another can be paranormal in nature; I've wondered about this in the past. After all, there is so much in the way for living a perfect life if it has to do with out weather; we can't seem to find a perfect climate. In winter, the cold makes it difficult for us but it's also slick roads and other stuff. In other seasons, it might be mosquitoes, pollen, snakes, and flooding among other things. The idea is, it might feel good outside but there is so much in the way: you've probably thought something like getting rid of all of the negative stuff...
Terror and fear are all too real, even for me
I can recount some true terror from my life experiences. Firstly, watching webcam videos of people that caught unexpected people on them was one thing, and so was watching scary videos regarding the paranormal, and both of them were watched at night. I have also wondered several times throughout life what it's like being inside of a high speed tornado, and it might not seem like it, but such things are downright terrifying. I can say with certainty that if you don't feel terror or at least fear during such things then you're most likely on some strong medication, or something truly strange and insane is happening to you. I am terrified living in the country, knowing what could be happening outside at night, whether it be intruders, all of the way to dangerous cults somewhere far from town; shit's too fucking real and terrifying for me and my psyche. However, I can also recall terror that was very comparable to such an event, something that happened in my real life; for ...
You ever think like this?
Do you ever wake up like me and wonder why it is this way?! That perhaps nothing's ever changed. For several years, every day has been just that over my life: another day. It was primarily because I didn't have everything figured out. But in your life, you can take it all a step further: every day is a totally new experience. And for me, it's all delayed: what should've happened about 10 years ago happens now, and time has been delaying this way. I'll never know what I've lost, what I've missed. And I want to take drugs by the way.
Each day you wake up in an alternative timeline
I tried telling myself that every day in life is essentially a totally different era in time itself, so that I could feel better: whether that helped me succeed or not isn't yet known...
I want to travel around the world, but it's crazy
I want to go to so many nations of the world and stay in each one for months, but everywhere I go, there's either religion or cults; they don't make it easy for me, you know. I want to have it be normal wherever I go, have it be settled and "baseline" and not have all of this crazy stuff going on.
I've been told so much times in my life that I don't deserve anything better, that I don't even deserve what I've got, because someone in the world has it worse, such as the people battling war in places such as Iraq. I have tried to counter such a notion, by including my own thoughts: It's either totally good, or totally bad for me in life, and I'd rather choose the latter choice, and whilst at it, fight to the death for it
Something I've always known
In the past, I wondered why it is that we deserve to live while others get to die, that's when I realized why our life is shitty, because we all deserve the same fate. I don't like when people talk about depression and disorders related to sadness, because they never address it in an appropriate way, or at least not in a way that's universally helpful. I never find it as a good advice for myself, because the more I apply it to my life, the more it costs. Every new years' day since I graduated High School, I certainly thought that everything was fine, but it was all of a delusion; now the possibility that it's still not true certainly makes me want to fall asleep and never awaken. It people at least acted in a reasonable way with me, I could maybe cope with all of this.
I honestly don't know what life is about, why I'm alive. I've been lectured for so much, thousands of hours, about life. But I still don't agree with just about any of it, I've got my own philosophy that seems to be correct in all situations. I got ideas and thoughts in my mind that seem to be correct all of the time; I don't reject them, instead I've embraced them because those thoughts are what make me myself, and let me stand out from the crowds. Unless you might think that we're no more than strange people. I like to have a steady life, not going up and down like a roller coaster. People are strange, being normal one time and all of a sudden don't want to be part of your life. But I'm not strange. Perhaps different, but not strange. Strange people have strict rules, and act critically in various situations, especially if it's a "critical" one. But the people who I've met, are far over the top in this respect.
My dream was like looking at my lilfe once again!
I had a dream Monday into Tuesday that I was in a shoot-out, and I honestly did want to die because I didn't know what was coming next. It's a great analogy of life as experienced by me; not knowing what comes next, hoping that history doesn't repeat itself, being unable to control one's self, and so on.
let me experience something for once!!!
I want to buy some of the loudest and highest fidelity loudspeakers, ones that are literally built like bunkers, and take them with me to a place I've never been before, amp them up to the max, play the song of choice, perhaps some ambient music that can help me sleep, or maybe (probably) instead something very upbeat such as alternative rock/pop, and make my way into the strongest fucking tornado that there is going to be this spring. I've been wanting to do crazy and dangerous, possibly violent, stuff to literally make my adrenaline soar, and I've been wanting to do so for what seems like my entire life. There's no better way than to get fucked up by the weather by embracing it for all that it is; if I'm lucky, I'll get fucked up by such experiences over and over. let me experience something for once!!!
My Hometown has been voted Best small town in Michigan
sometimes you just have to accept opinions that are very strange according to your own experience. For example, my own hometown has been voted as the Best small town in Michigan. After all of the bad experiences i’ve been having, i feel offended and insulted
i want to hear from you !
What is it like to have a happy and good life? I don’t know about it. And i want to know what it’s like also to have some benefit from anything at all, whether it be the good stuff or the bad stuff. I’ve been stuck, not in my mind, but in some serious trouble that no one Cares about
What else would anyone want from me?
Other than what I've already showed people, what else might they want from me?! They should understand what it means to have a ruined life, MFs just doing whatever the fuck they want, it's infuriating, and for me, condemning. Just like my coworkers and other people have condemned me, fucking bastards of this life that I can't find meaning in
I had good intentions from the start
My intent was to like people, even back in the early days when I was very young, but I don't see it happening any time! I just don't see myself liking people, because doing so doesn't bring me any benefit, great or small.
And why I think my message is important
So you might already know why my message is urgent, but why is it important? I'm not lonely, and I never initially thought about the world being doomed or anything like that. Instead, I realized the impact that people's actions, whether direct or indirect, can have on future generations and the world in general.
How I'm doing, and why my message is urgent as fuck
Honestly, after watching a YouTube video about how people are doing, I've realized that I'm not feeling good as of now, and also not feeling bad; I don't feel anything about my life; I seemingly don't care about anything. It's like a feeling of being numb; I suppose that it's my way of cancelling out emotion that has resulted in this situation. And as I've been writing profusely, I don't want to be an emotional person, because I don't want to have anything to do with that (emotion), after realizing that it's a dangerous and potentially deadly spiral. For goodness sake, I know that so much people don't care, but I care because I know too much that not everyone, not even me, might get to see tomorrow. I'm still a person, but I could die by freak accident, and I want things figured out as soon as possible. Therefore, don't cause bad stuff, because it can create emotion. Emotion can lead to a situation, one that can lead to a person wanti...
A Truly poor situation for me and others...
The entire life of mine is uncomfortable. Life's uncomfortable especially for those who want to destroy it ; doesn't anyone in society understand emotional people, specifically ones like me?! How am I going to organize my words to make sense, to convince all of you that there's a major problem here, and we aren't all moving forward together?! My intention is to hold back on people in general, to shift this entire problem away from me, to make it more of others' problems, because I don't need any more worries. If people want to leave me, I should leave them alone as well. I don't listen to what other people think about me, because others don't want to listen what I have to think. People don't truly think much about it either. If this is how it's supposed to be, then I honestly don't care at all if I keep having success in life or if it all leads to oblivion, emotional oblivion, etc.
Why is this so important and mezmerizing to me?!
One fact that has never failed to mesmerize me, and therefore seems important, is this: I was born in 1994. And whenever that fact comes into my mind, I remember the exact news stories, the moon phase, the weather, etc. and I wonder why much of this stuff has changed since that time. I feel like the snow that fell during the time I was born, and the news events of the time, for some time afterwards, were magical, and I'm convinced to this day, that the snow came from an alternate reality, and the events of the times, especially the 90's, were somehow related and influenced by an alternative reality that somehow existed in a separate dimension. I don't know for sure, it's just...my entire life has felt the ebb and flow of such a feeling, it was really strange and to this day, I don't comprehend anything about it; the nostalgia, the connection that the events of the past have had on me, the emotional responses that they've caused me; Perhaps it is this exact fact ...
Stoicism's opposite and the mind as a measuring device
Very funny title, isn't it? First of all, Stoicism is: "the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.", according to Google. Now, I had to wonder, is there an opposite: what about being sensitive to ambient situations and/or the like, ones that we might never think about or realize? Emotions can destroy one's self, and therefore being emotional is extremely risky, dangerous, and can literally be deadly. But if we could somehow be resilient and dynamic enough at the same time, to avoid the risks on time, could we then be sensitive to get more advantage from life; for example, if a situation is relatively dull but still can cause slight happiness, we can still get ourselves to really be sensitive and therefore truly understand the benefit of the given situation. We could then, effectively become instruments; specifically, our minds could become very sensitive instruments in the sense that the mind could study life more in...
Those strange nights are returning!!!
My fellow friends and people who I've known over my life might call me crazy or insane for saying this, but over the past days, it has been really still at night; the usual night for cults to meet up. And for strange occurrences such as UFOs and paranormal to be recorded on video; they always seem to happen during the exact type of still, clear weather that has been around recently, the 9th and 10th of May, 2019!
Concert incident soon?
There will very likely be a concert incident soon, the musician will get a major problem and collapse on stage. I think that the musician will be a male. Soon, as in, likely tomorrow.
I'm tempted to take shrooms
I want to take some psychedelic shrooms, and listen to the sounds of the universe, also known as: Scott Hardware-He Began Again...let the music take me into another dimension, let me glimpse what it could be like if my life were going at least like it should've been. There are so much things that we as people don't realize, that we just about never think about. Life could end for all of us, including me, at any time; therefore I don't want to feel like I've never left a legacy for the future of the world, and I want to have fun and be happy while doing it.
I feel like a failure at every step
What's the reason why I'm not happy?, you might ask. At every step of life, whether it's a huge step or the smallest one, I fail in every attempt to feel happy. I know that my life's a lost cause, but at least I can make it better for the future; think about the sunshine coming out in the midst of the storm; even though I've been trying, and it's been painful, if I succeed, at least the future will be bright.
I'm lost, but it's important that I don't tolerate the bastards
If solitary time and prisons were eliminated, then I wouldn't worry quite as much about people hurting me, but it's the world in general that hurts, not just me; and I don't want my life's legacy to remain as one where I failed to do what was just, leaving the world unchanged. I mean, if I can't do anything about my own life, then fuck it, I'd like to at least seek justice so that the future can be brighter.
Why it’s not okay that i’m hurt by others
What’s it going to be like for future generations, when people are never taught a Lesson; will they also be treated this way?! So I’ve been hurt by others, and it doesn’t matter?! Then what does my life matter, if ican’t make a change for future generations?!
If we could be on the same boat, It doesn't matter how much I've benefitted from life
No matter how much I've benefitted from the most negative aspects of life over the past years, such as being blatantly rejected because I was punished in the first place; being punished by others because I was punished, they (the problems) will never be forgotten for how severe they were, and I can't tolerate those of us who've placed these problems upon me!!! I've thought too much about such a fact, because it's true. It's either the worst or the best for me, and I've been essentially taking my life all of the time just to not have it be the worst, to not let my fears of the worst come true; I wish that we could all be on the same boat, that there'd be true help and that I could become the best, not the worst. "It doesn't matter how much I've benefitted from life"; the quote is accurate to me because the idea is accurate, because no matter how much you benefit from life, you'll most likely become put down emotionally by other, beca...
I've got a serious message for everyone
No one supports me, and everyone has ceased to offer me true hope, and now I want to look towards the magical and distorted world
Life has surprised me
I've been almost indescribably surprised once I've heard specific melodies, or tunes of music. Although I've been surprised to great amount by so much stuff in life, music is the main aspect of life that never ceases to surprise me, at least if it's new music. Often when listening to a song even if it's not for the first time, I think to myself about the fact that I've never heard anything this wonderful before in my life; It's the sound of an alternate universe, one that we have an urge and desire to connect to; various frequencies can correspond to wonderful realities. And to add to that, it might just be me, but it seems that every single individual is another, alternate, copy of me, essentially an alternate universe in themselves. And on top of that, I've come to the state of mind in which I've been living not in the past or future, but that the past and future are both a continuum, a single place in space; it's not just a theory, it's a ...
We have been transitioning between alternative realities
Something might be off about me, or perhaps it's true; I've been convinced that the past is actually an alternative dimension, as evidenced by the interplay of my emotions with what has been happening; it's almost like what has been happening out in reality has somehow been affected and influenced by merely my emotions. When I think back to the past, I get intense nostalgia that can't be described, despite almost a total lack of anything to inhibit such nostalgia. I think that we might be transitioning approximately once every few years from one alternative reality to another, and indeed, every few years span of time is a different era in itself; that being said, I feel connected to the outside world that starts beyond myself. Things seemed to actually more or less work for me in the past, and that's no longer true. And it's not just the past, we are probably currently in an alternative universe, at least in some way, and might soon enter another one; Maybe it...
Old Town Road lyrics have inspired me!!!
I've heard the old town road song, and I realized what I've been trying to think: the lyrics are quite different from my thoughts, but the song inspired me. My thought was, I want to go back to the old town road, and I want to go until I can't no more. In other words, I want to go back to the old times of my life, and I want get as much of them until I can't. I want to basically go back to the past as it was before, and enjoy it until I can't no more; You see?
I've been having a long time urge and desire to do stuff; make Youtube videos, take more photos, do stunts, anything related to art, get an enormous telescope to take with me on vacation (disassembled into parts), do lots of music listening, get a new camera lens, invest into photo-editing programs for enhancing my photos and videos, etc. The list is long. I can't do any of that at the time. It'd be great to have people in a community to be able to access such stuff or rent it out to me; I can't do anything here and now
What I've been taught over my life
I have been taught by my parents and others, that I don't deserve respect from people; the public school system has pretty much failed me and made me lose hope, not even going to talk about what the students were like. I was never taught much about having worth in my life, and I've never had even a mild level of "fun" in life (if you don't mind me using the word fun) because I've been dumbed down and drowned out. Honestly, I've done just about nothing after-school. I can't settle for other peoples' assumptions about me and let those assumptions effect or influence my life; remember, keep being yourself. They don't want me to excel and I've been programmed to be an underachiever, but again, I can't let it get to me.
Decision about leaving for a different state
What, there is so much stuff that I could be doing these days, and I don't do almost anything. This has been going on for at least six years, and I haven't gotten anything together; but why would I, if it wouldn't make me happy, only miserable? Sure, I've been miserable, but unless I actually get the chance to move out of Michigan (Yes Michigan) I will be even more miserable; at this time, I don't care if the people are any different, but I seriously need to get away. Honestly, I'm not certain as to how people's attitudes are in other states and I don't expect them to be any better than they are here. I'd like to live in Indiana or Minnesota, haven't decided yet. In Michigan, people are generally fucking bastards, literally and seriously; don't listen to the vast majority of people who want to try and sugarcoat it and/or tell you only about the good people. Although it has been worrying me that people are probably the same elsewhere, I still...
Why I can't get enough of Youtube
What am I going to do if the current trend is 1 hour+ videos, and that could become true for all of the thousands of videos I've been watching? If I'm lucky, I won't need to watch ads on YouTube, by the way. I wish that I had something to do this time around, to look back at as a TIME!
Where did the peace go, the kind that can make us young?
Why did the good days need to go away? And why was I a failure, and why did I realize it and all of the emotions of life?!
Time doesn't run away from me, but it's lacking
I've been feeling exhausted and still don't sleep. I'm obsessed with the past; trying to let it go is like trying to let go of Heroin. Never leave me out then, and I hope that time never runs away from me as it did.
America has all of these solitary confinements, prisons, and hospitals, which is a perfect analogy for my life and my mind; I'm essentially confined in my mind, and can't think through my problems, because I should've made it so far in life by now. Life is like solitary to me, because no matter what I do, I need to get brought down by my experiences; but at the same time, experiences are what are risky
The truth never comes to me, and simpler things in life
Why is it so difficult, why don't all of the facts of this life of mine come to my mind?! I've kept wondering, and that's as far as I've gotten, is wondering. Wondering how it is that the puzzle pieces of life just never come together, and I keep experiencing delay in life, bad temper from people, emotions, etc.
I wish that things were simpler
I can't fall asleep too much because of my realization tonight. I had perfection in life, and now I can't cope with stuff because it's an imperfect life. No one understands how it is
My wrong dreams
I've been having very vivid dreams over past few weeks in a row. I've dreamed that I've been suffering, being out in the cold and having cold water dumped on me, and I've had great amounts of pain as well. I've been tempted by me dreams, full of both indescribable pain and mild pleasure. My dreams have tempted me to commit crimes, but the crimes in particular I won't include in writing here. I need help.
Don't think that I should die
I think it's wrong to kill anyone, and also it's wrong that I should die, so the latter is also where I'd disagree with mostly everyone
I want to finally enter another dimension, where I'd have peace from all people, once and as long as I could; I don't want to die, because I'm not allowed to, in theory it's against the law, but I'm tempted to get into drugs because of how I've been treated and how I've felt. I'm not a liar by any means or any sense; I don't need to be killed by peoples' attitudes, but I sure as fuck want to rebel against this behavior of everyone: think about how much I've missed out in life, how bastardly people in this world are; I don't want to have anything to do with them and their negative influence on me, but even the most positive people don't want to do anything but be bystanders. Even the positive people of this world could care less about my well being, merely telling me to go to therapy and do stuff like that because I'm "Unstable" as it has to do with my thoughts. I had hope that people in this world could eventually realiz...
Why is it cool to mistreat me?!
Why people seemed to have been totally unforgiving to me?; today's a nice day, but it never feels like a nice day to me for some reason, probably because I can't get over anything, can't make a decision that leads to success. That being said, it seems to lead to happiness for people to mistreat me and have me be miserable in life. I love music and have been tempted too much by peoples' behavior, to get into drugs, and that's something that I don't want
Why everyone put out their middle finger and say "Fuck you" so often, especially on photos? I know that it might be a joke or something, but it's unpleasant to me. Why is just about everyone a bastard? I hate people by the way, they have lacked sympathy/empathy and have refused to show any to me. I've been hoping for goodness sake that it's only an aspect of western society, but at the same time, expect the entire world to not be welcoming
A neat song that I heard some time ago
I listened to a neat song more than a few days ago, and the title was: Me! It sounded pretty interesting to say the least. There are in fact songs that I've been hearing and never found out the name of them, never heard them since; technology should speed up and help out in many ways though, allowing music to be identified merely based on human thoughts; that's the point of me!
Why I've been writing deeply about life
I didn't really think too much before about writing deeply about life. But, well, the fact that my tax returns haven't made it to my account on time is somewhat concerning, and because of this, I decided to put a focus on life in general, and what it means to be alive. Because if my tax returns don't come in to my account soon, it really puts my life into perspective, and as a result, I've been feeling very small in this world!!!
I've been having truly difficult times in life; but life isn't about explaining yourself to others merely by talking to them about it; what's most important is to act in a way in which explaining yourself actually causes physical changes to reality, ones that can be measured and appreciated by much people. I think that it'd be really great trying to explain myself using not just words, but also art and other means if possible. I wish that I could develop this ability.
The Japanese Empire, or Japan in general, remains of the most perplexing dilemmas in history; Despite what you might've been told. A relatively extremely powerful nation, Japan has made great products and is literally the god of all things. Should you be for or against Japan?! Hmm...Thoughts, thoughts...
Some life lessons of mine!
I never wrote or told this to anyone, but life surely is strange in many senses of the word, and I honestly am no better than anyone else, and because of that fact, I'm terrified and impacted emotionally by everything that's either negative or undesirable in life. Trying to escape what I've been afraid of has never been successful for me, but the fact that I've tried is important, even if it doesn't seem that way. I don't worry anymore about experiencing things that I don't get to, because the price that need to be paid to live such a life is rather high. There are many things in life that have pushed me away, such as stuff that's disturbing, like not just what I've been writing in this blog, but also physical pain and discomfort. I tried to get myself into alternative states of mind to be able to at least curb my emotional responses to things in life, but as far as I can see, there's not really a solution to all of it, and those alternative stat...
News Headline: "Justin Bieber Takes Peoples' Souls"
Lol, I thought for about a second that the headline on the online news might've said something about Justin Bieber's relationship with peoples' souls. LOL
I love the new music video!
I love the ME! ( new music video)! I've been following so much talented artists throughout, but this one song's so upbeat and uplifting!