I've been having a long time urge and desire to do stuff; make Youtube videos, take more photos, do stunts, anything related to art, get an enormous telescope to take with me on vacation (disassembled into parts), do lots of music listening, get a new camera lens, invest into photo-editing programs for enhancing my photos and videos, etc. The list is long. I can't do any of that at the time. It'd be great to have people in a community to be able to access such stuff or rent it out to me; I can't do anything here and now
Negative action leads to negative reaction in my life
The reason why things happening in my life never happen in my favor, is because I've been failing in life often initially. and then after the times I failed something had to happen against me, like cause and effect. I don't understand how or why though, it's like unexplained: how does a negative cause lead to a negative effect. In other words, it's like a negative action leading to a negative reaction: in theory, it shouldn't be possible but I've been observing it over many years of my life. And that's how it's been with other things, what is essentially circular reasoning. So much ideas in the world are founded on this type of reasoning. With hatred from various people, combined with strict rules leading me to think that something gravely dangerous will happen because of my failed past, my memory has faded many times and very frequently, so much that I forgot what exactly I was supposed to write to finish this sentence: my psychologically ravaged mind...
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