If I start to feel unusually great for some reason, such as listening to music using great audio gear while observing the night sky by the beach, I want to die. Because great feelings are an illusion, only make me feel small in relation to reality. I've often felt this way, that I'll never be as good as the feelings are, and never get an ounce of happiness that many others get an excessive amount of. It feels bad, like literally. Like literally life keeps letting me down, preventing me from being positive and optimistic. And life is too much learning. Learning about many things is something I don't deserve, because I won't use the knowledge to a moral and ethical advantage. In the end, I never benefit from any of this bullshit called life.

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