Overcoming anything

I have realized that there are various feelings that I’ve been having. There are subtle, say ambient and transient, feelings which we might notice or pay attention to on extremely rare occasions, if we even notice them at all. When I get a feeling, and I use solely my mind to keep at it, the feeling can sometimes take me somewhere! Sure there’s sadness, happiness, anger, depression, etc. But instead of those emotions, I have something on my mind that can be very difficult to notice or even detect, because it’s indescribable in the sense that it’s not categorized, just like some types of clouds or weather patterns might not be categorized yet. I have wondered if it’s been because of my use of technology. How do I go about describing or explaining this?! I think that we could somehow Do some investigation and delve deep into what such feelings really are, by studying the mind in a lab. We may need to know where and when specific kinds of chemicals are present in the mind, and maybe when and where, or how, the electrochemical signals are communicating when one has such feelings. I wish for a machine that could monitor my brain and show what’s exactly happening so that I could explain better. I think that once this step can be achieved, then soon enough we might be able to recreate this state in people’s minds. How it could be recreated is out of my range of knowledge. I’ve been having feelings of being high without the use of any drugs; sometimes the feeling can get worse or better, and can lead to either positive or negative outcomes. And I have noticed that my mental states may even essentially have an indirect effect on what happens to the outside world, especially during human interaction with other people. I fear that currently these feelings can be dangerous, people they can lead to unexpected outcomes. This morning, September 29, 2018, I had such a feeling at work. Before work actually started, which would be for a long time starting at about 6:30, I had a literally grave feeling that something was off. I later realized that I had done stuff wrong at work but the work day would keep going and I couldn’t go home, which is what I honestly felt like doing. The feeling was so strong that I had no way of fully describing it. I just kept it to myself and suffered much because of it. At the end of the day, I was literally a failure. However, there are things which have happened to me at work which have been very concerning and stressful, to say the least. And when those things came to mind, I realized that though something was off (because of me) I had to get through it somehow. Despite suffering mentally, I have tried to prevail in my life. I feel like something grave and very serious is going to happen in my life. Everyone had begun their workday as usual, and all day long there was no real relief for my mental state And my mental state is literally so meaningful to me, that it’s overtaken me and there is practically nothing else, at least at the moment when I got the feeling. I kept thinking to myself, and wondering, will there ever be relief within my lifetime? Will I ever feel normal again? But the problem isn’t mainly me, these feelings can also come to me without notice. I felt like dying sometimes. I doubt that anyone can understand. I know things have to change, at least for myself, but I don’t how this world, and how this life, will work out after feeling so horrible. The atmosphere in which I live isn’t conducive to my life, because people’s behavior needs to be better, more understanding, and more delicate. I guess that there’s a reason for why things come to an end, nothing’s meant to last, no one deserves to live forever with such feelings. I certainly don’t want anything in the physical world to happen or be influenced by my feelings, so I have been trying to essentially run away from reality.

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